Winning the Genetic Lottery

Momservation: If you or your husband’s teeth looked like a bag of fries when you were kids—forget saving for college and start saving for braces.

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I was trying to keep this on the down-low because I didn’t want to rub it in anyone’s faces…but I just can’t contain my good fortune and thrill any longer. So here it is:

I won!

I won! I won! I won! I won!

Okay, WE won—I guess I should give credit where credit is due. Both of us did contribute, Hubby and me.

What did we win?

The genetic lottery!! NO BRACES FOR THE KIDS!

None of these = money in my pocket!

None of these = money in my pocket!

Yep, on our last dentist visit Dr. Birch official confirmed the winning number: 0

Zero kids in our family will need braces!

I jumped up, whooped, gave him a high five, and hugged the kids giving tearful thanks for each of their straight little teeth that persevered against crookedness.

As I sprinted through the dentist lobby amped with my good fortune I rejoiced to all the other unlucky parents in the lobby: “I won! Somebody had to win and it was ME!”

In the parking lot I called Hubby to deliver the exciting news. “We just won $14,000!” I shouted. “Fourteen thousand dollars!! We did it! We hit the jackpot!”

Then I called my mom and dad. “Thank you! Thank you for my perfect teeth. True, it was touch and go there in my preteens and we wouldn’t have had the money to fix them anyway—but thank you for passing on your good teeth genes!”

Next I called my mother-in-law. “Thank you! Thank you for your son’s perfect teeth! It’s too bad your daughter wasn’t so lucky, but I wasn’t marrying your daughter! I picked the one with the great teeth! Of course, I didn’t just pick him for his great teeth, but it did go on the PRO side of the list. Anyway, thanks to you and Floyd!”

Granted, $14,000 isn’t Take This Job and Shove It money, but it is, say, Hawaii money—three trips worth! Car paid off money! First cars for the kids money! Fix the roof money! Take a cruise money! Don’t have to spend it on braces money!

The fact is, with the going-rate of braces averaging $7,000 and my kids going to middle school in a sea of metallic smiles, the value of a perfect smile has never been more coveted and sacrificed for than it is now.

So please forgive me if I’m a little excited over our good fortune. Hitting the genetic lottery wasn’t what we were going for, but now that we won it to the value of $14,000 we can’t help but to feel incredibly lucky.

But like Hubby said back when we were trying for perfect little babies: “C’mere, Honey. You can’t win if you don’t play.”

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