Momservation: Being a parent means you’re never surprised about anything anymore. Until Corona showed up. That bitch is crazy.
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It started with the Tiger King.
Actually, let me back up. It started with the Coronavirus Pandemic. The unbelievable suddenly became believable when the world got collectively shut down and shut in because of a highly contagious killer virus.
From there the hits kept coming.
Calendars full of fun and exciting events got wiped out like a thunderstorm rolling through the Midwest.
People were split in to two groups: Essential or Non-essential.
Toilet paper became hoarded like Covid-19 was a dysentery disease.
Schools shut down and parents became teachers and teachers became tech savvy video stars. The first week of homeschool kids were suspended for fighting and parent teachers were being fired for showing up drunk.
Then everyone discovered Tiger King on Netflix. And shit just got crazier from there.
In fact, if you didn’t have CAROLE BASKIN DID IT as your FREE SPACE on your Coronavirus Bingo Card, then go ahead and put your dauber down—you ain’t winning.
The Coronavirus Bingo Card: this has become my favorite thing to come out of this crazy Time of Coronavirus that we’re living. I first saw people referring to it on Twitter trying to explain a string of crazy, unbelievable and downright “Are you kidding me? What next?” apocalyptic-type events that keep lining up like hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico.
As in: “Well, I didn’t have monkey gang war on my Coronavirus Bingo Card,” when reports emerged in March of monkeys in Thailand fighting over food due to lack of tourism.
And it just kept getting weirder. Murder Hornets. The U.S. admitting there’s been UFO sightings. Locust swarms.
Makes you wonder what is on these Coronavirus Bingo Cards that we’re all holding. Anyone have the president of the United States of America suggesting that injection of disinfectant might cure The Rona? I didn’t.
You know what I did have on my Bingo Card? My kid getting The Rona. I just had the wrong one. With both of them in college and social distancing being more of a suggestion than a rule in the Pass the Wine Bag demographic, I figured it was only a matter of time. I thought my daughter would bring it home from Isla Vista, UCSB’s little city that never stops partying. Turns out it was the kid at Boise State who caught it in quarantine.
Now as we move into our fourth month of sheltering in place for The Rona and a month of world-wide Black Lives Matter protests with Civil War era statues falling like Trump’s poll numbers, I’m wondering who has that lucky Bingo Card with the impossible becoming possible.
Because I sure as hell don’t have Massive Saharan Dust Storm that is now reaching U.S. shores on my Bingo Card.
Adopting a sourdough starter and becoming a crazed sourdough lady…Been in a social distance parade…Kid gets The Rona at college…Met an NBA player walking his dog in my neighborhood…Think Carole Baskin did it…BINGO!!!!
#CoronavirusBingoCard #TruthIsStrangerThanFiction #DidntSeeThatComing