Momservation: Show me a teenage boy who picks up his things left around the house and I’ll show you a unicorn.

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Hello, and Welcome to My World!

Today, we’re going to play a favorite and frequent game around the Wheeler house called Where Has Logan Been?

It’s easy to play and I imagine parents of fifteen year-old boys have been playing their version of this for years, perhaps even centuries! I can just see Mrs. Mozart playing Where Has Wolfgang Been? finding music sheets on the couch, tea cup rings on the piano, and his dirty socks on the settee. I’m sure Mr. Washington played Where Has George Been? again finding George’s ax by the cherry tree or his suspenders over the outhouse door. I can easily see Mrs. Warhol in another round of Where Has Andy Been? finding Andy’s paints and Campbell’s soup cans spread across the table after she’s asked him a million times to pick them up so they can eat dinner and his brushes in the bathroom sink.

So are you ready for this round of Where Has Logan Been?

Rules are easy:

  1. Locate items Logan has discarded around the house like he has a personal assistant following him around to pick them up…

  2. If he’s home and it’s a good day yell, “I found where Logan’s been!”

  3. On a bad day yell, “God damnit! For the thousandths time—pick up your God damn sh**!”

  4. If Logan’s not home and you’re feeling especially benevolent and tolerant, leave the stuff and kindly remind him when he gets home to pick up his things before he goes anywhere else.

  5. If he’s not home and you’re feeling exasperated and ready to run away from home because everyone treats you like a personal assistant whose job it is to pick up their sh** do this:

    whlb4(Dump in bedroom doorway)

Okay! Here goes—Let’s play Where Has Logan Been?


221(Dining Room!)

222(Den! Bonus points for wondering: Why is there a skim board in the house in winter nowhere near a beach?)




369(My bedroom!)


371(Dining Room!)

whlb(Living Room!)


whlb2(Living Room!)

372(His sister’s room!)

379(Living Room! Bonus points for guessing previous location: Hot tub!)

Thanks for playing! For sake of time, we just played the indoor version of this. For hours of fun there’s also the Where Has Logan Been? Outdoor Edition and What Has Logan Eaten? Car Edition!

Keep an eye out in October for the release of Where Has Logan Been? Driving Edition—it comes with a free bottle of Xanax and hair dye!



  1. Kathy says:

    It’s not just boys. I have started picking up the stuff, putting it in a bag and when she cannot find it and asks where is “whatever”? …. I tell her she can earn it back by doing a chore of my choice. So far, still lots of stuff in the bag. Just tells me my kids have too much sh**!!

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