Trick or Vodka Over Rocks

Baby Blues HalloweenMomservation: An out of the closet hobo costume will get you just as much candy on Halloween as $300 spent at the Spirit Halloween store.

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Okay everyone, stop what you’re doing. I need your help and advice. I have two very important questions that have been causing me sleepless nights and anxiety dreams about going to a Halloween party as Person Giving a Speech Naked and still losing the costume contest.

Here they are:

How old is too old to go Trick-or-Treating?


What should I be for Halloween?

Actually, the first question isn’t for me. It’s for my kids (no…really). I have a 7th grader and an 8th grader. Both gung-ho to go Trick-or-Treating, neither pausing for a moment to think they might be too old to pound the pavement for the time honored tradition of taking candy from strangers.

I see no problem with it. Sure, try not to stand behind a crowd of kindergarteners, towering over them like you’re hoping for a hand-out of vodka on the rocks. But as long as you’re making an effort for a costume and being respectful…why not? I’d rather have them Trick-or-Treating with youthful abandon than at a party playing 10-Seconds in the Closet debating whether to slip someone the tongue.

Granted, my kids’ costumes barely count as effort: Wearing your football uniform to be a Football Player and wearing the outfit you wore to Taylor Swift to be a Cowgirl. But that is the natural evolvement of Halloween costumes as illustrated below:

  • Baby to toddler Mom puts child in something adorable and warm bought 6 months before Halloween. Probably spends too much
  • Toddler to school years Mom gives in to what child wants to be and fights with child to wear a coat over costume to stay warm. Grumbles about how much money is spent when they could’ve been a hobo or gypsy for free like when she was a kid.
  • Elementary to Junior High Kids not happy with their costumes because Mom vetoed everything they really wanted to be as inappropriate. Definitely spends too much money at Spirit Halloween store trying to make everyone happy sending them out the door with “Fine! Freeze then!”
  • Teen years Kids do minimum effort for a costume for maximum candy haul. Zero dollars with a candy surcharge to Mom for letting you still Trick-or-Treat and she doesn’t care what you wear as long as you clean up your mess

So am I wrong here? At what age do you cut off teens from Trick-or-Treating and tell them they’re literally stealing candy from babies? I know they usually wean themselves—I was 14 and a freshman in high school when I finally felt lame trying to pull off sweats and a Clayton Valley High School sweatshirt as a cheerleader (and pretty much spent the night with my girlfriend waiting for our trick-or-treat partners John and Deana to quit kissing after every house). But what if kids don’t wean themselves from easy free candy?

Okay, now to my other pressing issue. What should Hubby and I be for Halloween? I’ve collected a few ideas from Pinterest and put them below. What’s your vote?

Costume 1:

Costume 2:

Costume 3:

Costume 4:

Hmmm, I guess I have a third question. Are these costume choices appropriate for a Halloween party with kids in attendance?


  1. Christine says:

    Fell off my chair laughing at the Halloween costumes!! People are crazy! I told Jack this is his last year Trick or Treating…but I’m with you…no reason to make them grow up too quickly. Trick or treating over 10 seconds in the closet every day of the week!

  2. kellimwheeler says:

    Oh man, there were much more, shall we say, risque photos but I drew the line at potentially offensive. 😉 Christine, you can help me think of ideas for a fun Halloween party next year that will keep them out of the closet!

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