Momservation: Obviously you love one of your kids more than the other if someone has been dished an extra french fry at dinner.
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Careful, you’re being watched.
I’m not talking about your neighbor’s surveillance camera or the slightly off bagger at the grocery store or even your mother-in-law who suspects you just turn the towels around instead of washing them when she comes to visit.
We’re talking about your very own children.
Whether you realize it or not they are watching closely (and very likely keeping a tally in crayon on the inside of their closet) for any sign that you love one of them more than the other.
And apparently, according to siblings, the signs are everywhere that you love one of them just a tad bit more than the other. Exhibits A-Z as seen through your children’s eyes:
A. You let him watch 30 more seconds of TV than her before you made him get in the shower.
B. You gave her a kiss good-night before him.
C. His helping of pudding is 3 millimeters taller than hers.
D. You bought green bananas because she likes them that way best.
E. You gave him the extra french fry at the bottom of the McDonald’s bag when it was her fries that looked like it was missing one.
F. You never let him watch Sponge Bob when he was little but she can when she’s little.
G. One time you gave him 5 more Goldfish crackers in her snack cup than her.
H. You ALWAYS let her go first when it’s time to _____________ (fill in the blank).
I. You NEVER let her do ________________ but he ALWAYS gets to (fill in the blank).
J. He got the first bite of the cookie dough batter.
K. She got to have a friend over and I didn’t (regardless of no one being available).
L. His rice crispy treat square is bigger by at least a dozen crispies.
M. You ALWAYS drag him along to her performances (even though he chose not to participate).
N. You are ALWAYS watching his games and practices (even though she chose not to do a sport).
O. There are more baby picture of her than him.
P. There are more home videos of him than her.
Q. His chocolate chip cookie has more chips than hers.
R. You’ve made her unload the dishwasher possibly one more time than him.
S. He’s had to clear the table when it was her turn.
T. There are more toys in her toy box.
U. He’s got more 11 more pieces of popcorn divvied out in his carrying tray than her.
V. She got to pick the movie last time to go see.
W. He got to pick the movie last time to go see.
X. You laid in her bed longer at bedtime than with him.
Y. You gave him the chocolate donut with more glaze.
Z. You gave birth to her first.
Obviously, they’re on to us. So this Christmas when you buy the exact same number of presents in the exact same dollar amount value, make sure you don’t give yourself away by putting the prettier bow on his.
This is a spot-on description of pretty much every moment at our house. And multiply times four. I especially like “L” because, yes, they are that exact. Great piece, Kelli.
Another reason why I think you should be up for sainthood. I could not imagine going through this squared….
My dad had to count out the ice cubes for the ice tea. Lord what we put that poor man through…..
Always love your work, thanks Kelli!
Ha! Love the ice cube count! For my mom it was who she gave more sips of her Mountain Dew to before she said, “Okay, that’s enough!”