The Facts of Life – Birthday Edition

Momservation: You know you’ve gone overboard on a birthday party when it becomes more work than when you gave birth to the birthday boy or girl.

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Tomorrow my baby girl, Whitney, turns 11. While I’m praying to the puberty gods that they will spare her another year, I’m busy planning a birthday party in the shadow of Easter. Because I don’t have enough to do already. *snort*

Actually, this is the second one. The first birthday party was for friends. The second celebration, on the actual birth day, is for family. Much lower key affair that shouldn’t result in me threatening to release the pouncing, slobber kissing hound at 5 a.m. on a bunch a screeching girls that refuse to go to sleep.

So while I’m busy treading water this spring break and ensuring that everyone has a happy, memorable birthday and Easter, please enjoy these classic Birthday Momservations®:

 Birthday Momservations®

  • A slumber party for girls requires a completely different survival plan than a slumber party for boys. 
  • There’s pretty good odds the guest of honor will nap through their one year-old birthday party.
  • No matter how you wrap it, new clothes just don’t register the excitement of a new toy or even a cardboard box.
  • Reserving an inflatable bounce house for a party is a modern day rain dance.
  • She who spends hours making special birthday cake shall be rewarded with tears for Justin Beiber ice cream cake instead.
  • Never turn your back on a frosting tester.
  • The amount of money spent on a birthday party seems inversely proportional to the likelihood of said birthday boy/girl coming down sick the day of the party.
  • Buying extra party favors, strangely enough, still does not guarantee you won’t come up short at the end of a party.
  • Always wear long sleeves and long pants when sliding down a giant, inflatable slide – or at least have plenty of Band-Aids for inflatable slide novices and their friction burns.
  • It is virtually impossible to get through a birthday party without someone crying.
  • If you’re going to throw huge birthday extravaganzas for any child under six, then make sure you have a good camera and take lots of pictures, because in a few years you’ll be the only one who remembers it.
  • It’s a good weekend when you don’t have another birthday party to go to.
  • For each additional child you allow to be invited, add an additional half hour of fighting over the completion of thank you cards.
  • Any amount totaling over $50 in Target gift cards for a child is a waste and should be contributed to the greater good of the family.
  • It is possible to have too much of a good thing evidenced by the melt-down of the birthday girl or boy.
  • A gift worth giving is a gift worth receiving is a gift without a gift receipt being re-gifted.
  • Chuck E. Cheese is just wrong on so many levels.


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