Sleep Perchance to Avoid Laundry

Momservation: Fantasizing about never getting out of bed to avoid laundry is ruined by realizing you’d eventually have to wash the sheets.

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When you’re a SAHM or WAHM punching the clock starts as early as a 5 a.m. bed wetting or as late as a 10 p.m., “I’m thirsty-I’m hot-I’m cold-I can’t fall asleep.” Even then, if you’ve got a newborn, toddler or a sick kid, it’s another night of overtime.

So it makes sense that lately I’ve been escaping to my bed because, for the most part, then I’m finally off the clock.

In fact, I’ve trained everyone from the dog, to the kids, to Hubby that once I’m in between those sheets it’s time to look to the assistant manager for help.

If I manage to get horizontal on my bed, everyone knows the manager of this family business is done for the day. No laundry to sort, no meals to prepare, no things to pick up, no toilets to flush, no fights to break up, no animals to be fed, no places to drive, no shouts of “Mom!”

No deadlines, no marketing, no emails, no conference calls, no invoices, no writer’s block, no interruptions that constantly bring everything to a screeching halt.

Those things don’t go away, but if I’m lucky I can forget about them until the next day while I snuggle up to my DVR (sorry, not tonight Honey) and get lost in “So You Think You Can Dance” or “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives” or my 500 back-episodes of “Grey’s Anatomy.” (Don’t tell me what happens in the season finale – I still haven’t gotten to it yet!)

My life lately seems so hectic that I find myself diving into bed earlier and earlier to escape. If I thought I could get away with it I’d try to call it a day at 4 p.m. Let someone else pick up the dinner shift.

Need something? Go see Daddy or take care of it yourself. Call me when you’re in bed ready for a hug and kiss. Even the dog puts herself in her kennel. And Hubby? Let’s just say he’s very grateful for the “pause” button on the DVR and that I do like the occasional inter-office romance.

It’s amazing that the anxiety I carry over all the things I need to do with not enough time to do them and the responsibility of managing everyone’s needs can be tamed by preparing to vote someone off a show or watching people throw crab pots into a frozen sea.

And of course sleep – glorious sleep – unless I have a nightmare where a lynch mob is coming after me because they’re out of underwear, can make it all better again.

That is until my 8 hour reprieve (if I’m lucky) is up with the dog whining in her kennel. And then before I can even open my eyes the weight of the day’s demands already makes the covers too heavy to lift.

Some days I swear I’d stay in bed all day if it didn’t mean I’d eventually have to wash the sheets.

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