Just a few observations I’ve made in my brief mom career:


School “Picture Day” becomes a battle of looking cool vs. looking adorable after about 2nd grade.


You’ll do well in life once you concede that Mom always wins.


The harder someone works on a homework assignment, the more likely you’ll find it left on the counter after dropping the kids off at school.


You can get a kid to do anything for a Slurpee.


Your child will decide to try out that inappropriate word or phrase at some point to impress your friends.


They will tell Daddy they learned it from you.


Freshly washed sheets seem to precede a sudden onset of bed wetting.


A booger picked is a booger eaten or at least wiped on your furniture.


Bad karma reveals itself in the group you get stuck chaperoning for the class field trip.


Jell-O or a fruit roll-up can represent a nutritious food group in a pinch.


At some point, your sweet, perfect child will be the kid that throws tanbark or dumps sand on another kid’s head at the park.


If you haven’t spent large chunks of time in every Target, grocery store, department store, Wal-Mart, Costco or Toys R Us bathroom, then you’ve never potty trained a toddler.


If you’ve never been peed on or had to intervene in a public urination, then you only have girl children.


If you don’t know who Zac and Vanessa are, can’t name a Jonas Brother, or don’t know the difference between Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus then you only have boy children.


Watching a sleeping child will make it all better again.


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