Like a Little Kid in an App Store

Momservation: Why waste the energy to call names when you can just Fat Face them?

☺        ☺        ☺

I have probably deleted more apps than most people will ever download.

(For those of you who think I’m talking about single handedly wiping out sampler platters at Applebees, I’m very proud of you for finding your way to this website but it’s probably time to get back to your crossword book.)

The reason for my regular app housecleaning is two middle school kids who have a pretty bad app a day habit.

If that baby is free and has a half-way cool icon they are all over an app like Lindsay Lohan on a bad idea.

If they have an iTunes gift card burning a hole in their pocket they are raiding the Top 25 list like Pablo Sandoval hits a fridge.

If a friend tells them about a cool app, they will download it without stopping to think if it’s a good idea like Amanda Bynes jumping behind the wheel after a few cocktails.

For these reasons, I have my kids linked to my Apple account so I can see every purchase they make. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn for a while how to deselect the button that syncs all their app downloads simultaneously to my iPhone.

So I was getting everything from the Fat Face app, to Office Jerk, to Moto X Mayhem, to The Moron Test crowding my phone screen. The worst part was I’d go to clean it out and my curiosity would get the best of me and pretty soon I’m Fat Facing the dog.

Answer to election year fatigue: Fat Face app

I barely tore myself away from Bubble Maniato write this.

Answer to election year fatigue: Fat Face app

I am at like Mensa level on LogosQuiz.

And I’m super excited because I met the Daily Challenge on Subway Surfer and have enough coins to buy the Ninja.

But the best app yet is the Translator app my daughter downloaded. We have cracked ourselves up learning how to say, You’re the biggest cheesehead in the whole world, in 20 different languages. We’ve also had a lot of fun telling political telemarketers that their fly is down Spanish.

Now when the kids ask me if I want them to clear my phone of all the extra apps like I usually have them do, I tell them: ¡No! No elimine mi aplicación. ¡Tu eres el jefe más grande de queso en el todo mundo!

Now you’re dying to get the Translation app aren’t you? Totally worth it later tonight to be able to tell that political telemarketer in Swahili that they’ve got a booger in their nose.

Leave a Reply