I Am So Judgmental

Found this little gem from 2014 when my daughter was in junior high. She will be graduating high school in 2 months and going to UC Santa Barbara in the fall. I am happy to report that my little sweet potato survived all my “judgments” and even came to realize that the ol’ Mom-moo is surprisingly perceptive. In fact, I would even say that we’re quite the pals now. As the baby of the family who just turned 18, I finally got to announce: “I did it! I raised likable, contributing, compassionate adults!” I better reserve judgment though – there’s plenty of time to still go off the rails…

Momservation: A teenager giving life tips to an adult is like the creator of Sponge Bob Square Pants giving Michelangelo advice on painting the Sistine Chapel.

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judgmentalWe have hit a new phase of raising teenagers (they appear to be coming weekly these days).

I continue to be not amused.

Especially since my thirteen year-old daughter has deemed me “Judgmental.”

Yes, a child from the selfie generation that has taken narcissism to unexplored depths; from a demographic whose sole purpose of middle school is to critique everything everyone does and spread gossip about it; from a peer group who cannot make a decision without first consulting everyone in a group chat…has called me judgmental.

Me, the person who constantly reminds her children (and friends) that you can’t assume to know what it’s like to walk in someone else’s shoes so go easy; Me, the person who refuses to call someone a bad kid—they are “works in progress” or “currently making bad decisions;” Me, the person who is trying to model acceptance, bipartisanship, tolerance, and compassion in order to raise decent human beings…was called judgmental by her teenager.

The irony is so on point here.

When I ask to see my daughter’s Instagram account (as every parent should be doing) to make sure everything’s looking appropriate she says, “Why? So you can make all your little judgments?”

And I say, “They’re not judgments. They’re observations. Give me your phone.”

When I pick her up from middle school and I mention anything I notice like: “Wow. That guy’s really flirty. Does he always hang on every pretty girl he sees?”

I get: “God, Mom! You’re so judgmental! This is why I don’t like you picking me up from school!”

When I see my daughter wearing an outfit that is borderline dress code violation and I raise an eyebrow in concern, before I can voice an opinion she’ll say, “There’s that look of judgment.”

And I’ll say, “No, that’s my look of go put a tank top on underneath that shirt.”

So we agree to disagree. What she calls judgmental, I call good parenting. What she sees as annoying…is the person who allows her to have a smart phone. So I guess the new word she’s going to need to learn (the accurate definition of) is: Acceptance.

I’m not backing down on raising good kids, so get over it my little sweet potato.


One comment

  1. Dad says:

    Hang in there and stay the course: it’s not your place to be your teenagers best friend. They have “Friends” a plenty and mentors too few.

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