How to Ask Someone to Homecoming

Momservation: First signs of fall: Balloon filled cars, candle-lit driveways, and glow-stick proposals asking to go to Homecoming.

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homecoming2It must be September. My blog has been blowing up these last two weeks from hits to my last year’s blog, “The Dangers of the Creative Homecoming Ask.” Welcome to the definition of teenage anxiety: Homecoming.

I have two kids in high school right now and you would think nothing else goes on in this world this month (and next) except Homecoming. The anxiety of finding the perfect date, coming up with a creative Homecoming ask, worrying if you’ll be asked, worrying about what group to go with—and that’s just the lead-up!

So for all these poor hapless teenagers who have Googled their way onto a parenting blog in search of answers to Homecoming etiquette, I feel like I need to help them out.

So I’m re-running the Homecoming advice below in an effort to alleviate some of the anxiety that has caused the Google teenage masses to land on Momservations’ doorstep. Good luck and spoiler alert—in the big scheme of things, trust me, it’s not worth the anxiety.

How do I figure out if a girl has a date?

You ask her. Try casually in class: “So who you going to Homecoming with?” Go with flattery in the lunch line: “So who’s the lucky guy who gets to take you to Homecoming?” Go with clueless in the quad: “I’m so confused with whose going with who to Homecoming! I don’t even know who you’re going with…” And if all else fails, send an exploratory committee (find a mutual friend) to ask: “Hey, has anyone asked you to Homecoming yet?”

071How to ask a girl to Homecoming?

It doesn’t matter. Really. Girls are just happy to get the anxiety over of who is going to ask them and get on with the business of finding a dress. Nothing is more adorable to a girl than a nervous guy finding the courage to come up and ask them to Homecoming. If you want to go over the top—there’re plenty of ideas and pictures if you Google “Creative Homecoming ask.”

How to ask a guy to Homecoming?

With confidence. A girl who asks a guy to Homecoming is awesome because it shows she’s not a wall-flower, not someone who is going to sit around and wait for someone to write her destiny for her. She’s a take-charge girl and plenty of guys find that quality attractive. So own it. Make them feel lucky that you picked them. Do it in a way that shows off your personality: flirty, fun, romantic, athletic, quirky, quietly cool, silly—whatever it is just do it and be proud of yourself for not letting someone dictate your future.

What to do if a guy asks you to Homecoming?homecoming3

If you want to go with him say “yes.” If he’s made a big display of it and you feel comfortable, give him a hug and say, “Thank you! I’m looking forward to it.” Leave out the hug if you’re not comfortable with it.

If you don’t want to go with him, turn him down with tact and grace. “That’s really sweet of you, but no thank you.” Or if they did a big production: “I appreciate your effort and generosity, but no thank you.” Or, if they did a big production and everyone’s watching and you don’t want to embarrass him you can say “yes,” but as soon as there’s a private moment, IN PERSON, say, “I know I said ‘yes,’ but I was uncomfortable saying ‘no’ in front of all those people. I’m sorry, I just don’t feel comfortable going with you. I hope you understand.”

Can you say “no” to a Homecoming invitation?

Of course. You always have the right to say “no” to something that doesn’t make you feel comfortable. See above for how to say “no.”

Can I ask a girl to Homecoming I don’t know?

Of course. Homecoming can be a great excuse to get to know someone. But, if you want to ensure a “yes” and avoid an awkward evening, make an effort to get on their radar first and find common ground.

Introduce yourself in one of the classes you have together: “Hey Susie. I know we haven’t really talked before but I’m Johnny.” Throw in a compliment or ask her about herself to get her guard down (people usually love an excuse to talk about themselves): “You seem pretty good at Geometry. Is math your favorite subject?”

Or grab a buddy at lunch and go up to her and her friends: “Hi ladies. I’m Johnny and this is my buddy Joey. You guys always look like you’re having so much fun over here, we had to come see what it was about. Do you guys all know each other from school or sports?”

If you’ve talked to a girl first, it won’t seem so stalkerish if you decide to go ahead and ask her to Homecoming. It also gives you another excuse to talk to her.

HomecomingHow to ask a popular girl to Homecoming if you’re not popular?

See above question. Same rules apply.

Be yourself when you ask. It’s okay if you’re nervous, but be confident. Think of all your positive qualities and think, why wouldn’t she want to go to Homecoming with me? Don’t make it about popularity. Make it about a fun opportunity to get to know each other.

What to do when a girl says “no” to Homecoming?

Don’t be a jerk—which is tempting when you get shot down. Take the high road and accept it humbly and politely: “I understand. Sorry it didn’t work out.” Or go for hapless hero: “Well, I had to ask. You can’t blame a guy for trying, right?” Or, you can take the sting out with humor, “Okay, then. You got a girlfriend you might want to set me up with instead?”

Don’t be afraid to ask someone else. Just because she didn’t want to go with you doesn’t mean someone else wouldn’t be happy to.

If I get asked to Homecoming should I kiss them?

Only if you want to. Going on a date (to Homecoming or otherwise) doesn’t mean it’s an obligation to reward with rounding the bases. Just because someone puts out effort or expense doesn’t mean you have to put out. If there’s a reason to kiss someone it’s because you BOTH feel a connection that you’d like to explore.


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