For Love of Mom and a Bat

Never thought a bat would be the biggest competition for my son's love...

Never thought a bat would be the biggest competition for my son’s love…

Momservation: It’s inevitable and healthy for a mother to be replaced as the best girl in her son’s heart. But the successor better be f**king fantastic.

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I had some stiff competition this last Mother’s Day for the homage and affection of my 16 year-old son.

No, it wasn’t about splitting time with his girlfriend on Sunday (it’s a new relationship—feeling confident I still have her solidly beat).

It wasn’t about getting in some guy time with his buddies Sunday (I’m still batting .500 when going up against his beloved posse).

I guess you could say the challenge for my son’s reverence and love didn’t necessarily come out of left field…but it does help him get it into left field.

Let me explain:

I knew for my son’s English assignment he needed to write 20 poems. This was like asking Donald Trump to be humble—sheer torture. So as Logan took practice swings with his baseball bat in between racking his brain for lurches of anemic prose, I tried to be both helpful and fish for a great Mother’s Day gift by saying, “You know you could kill two birds with one stone by writing a poem for your mother that you could give her on Mother’s Day…”

Later, when he was putting together his poem book, I saw Logan had indeed written me a poem titled, “Te Amo Mama (Mother’s Day Poem).”

I couldn’t wait to receive it!

But when I opened my Mother’s Day card from my son, there was no poem in it.

“Where’s my poem?” I asked disappointed.

“Oh. You want me to go print it up right now?” he said clueless that that’s what you should do with a Mother’s Day poem for your mother.

In the middle of dessert, cards, and gifts I gave him a quicker solution. “I saw a copy of it in the recycle pile from your Table of Contents mess up. Why don’t you just grab that one?” I was dying to see what eloquence my only son had to say about his mother!

Retrieving the misprinted copy Logan said, “It’s also got a part of the poem I wrote about my bat, if that’s ok…”

Teasing my baseball-loving son I said, “I’m not sure I want it then. You probably wrote a more heartfelt poem about your bat than your mother.”

Without missing a beat and with a mischievous smirk on his face he said, “Well…it is a good bat.”

Though he did title the poem about his bat “Beautiful Bat” and there was no reference to my unmatched beauty in his poem for me, I claimed victory over the challenge for Logan’s affection because he ended my poem with “I love you” and there was no mention of love for his bat.

His girlfriend better be worried though, because he did say it was “the bat of his dreams.”


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