A Satisfying Tale of “I Told You So”

Momservation: A kid would rather learn it the hard way than admit their mother might know a thing or two.

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A few weeks ago in I Can Get My Kid to Do ANYTHING For… I told you how my daughter, Whitney, was working toward becoming a model of responsibility so she could have a turtle.

Well, she did it. Thirty consecutive days of brushing her hair and teeth without being told, keeping her room cleaned, and her things picked up around the house without being nagged. I didn’t think my little forgetful Sally could pull it off, but she was focused on the goal. In fact, she was doing so well, I was encouraging turtle ownership for my son hoping he’d get his act together.

Homer the Hamster, soon to be free to a good home.

Originally, Whitney had wanted a hamster. I told her they were too stinky. She tried to argue with me that they weren’t, how did I know anyway? and that she promised she’d keep the cage clean so it wouldn’t stink.

When I still said no, she then went through every pocket pet she’d seen at the pet store until we settled on what we thought would be the easiest and least stinky. The turtle. We then negotiated terms of turtle ownership, having to prove she was responsible enough to care for her own animal.

The day came when we went to get her turtle from PetSmart. Whitney could not contain her glee, “I’m gonna get a turtle, I’m gonna get a turtle,” she sang the whole way.

We did not leave with a turtle.

Turns out we didn’t do our homework very well. I thought we would be getting a $20 turtle in a 5 gallon tank and maybe picking up a head of lettuce at the store on the way home.

Oh, no. The turtle was actually a tortoise that would grow three times its size and live to be 50 years old. It was $99. And the PetSmart employee made it sound like she would report me to PETA if we didn’t buy the optimal habitat of a 40 gallon tank with provisions for two climates.

I turned to Whitney and said, “How about a hamster, honey?”

We’ve now had Homer the Hamster for two weeks. We’ve considered renaming him Stinky Pete or Gross Disgusting Pig That Pees in His Wheel and Eats His Own Poo. We had to go buy an air freshener for Whit’s room. She’s just about done with him and his continuous filth. She says she’s giving him one more chance, but if he pees in his wheel then runs in it again she’s putting him up for adoption.

Anyone want a hamster? Comes with an air freshener.


  1. Chase McFadden says:

    Crap, we could have sent you a turtle a couple weeks ago. Hellcat had it all packed up in a satchel ready to go.

    And you can send Stinky Pete our way. We’ll just release him to run free in the wild environs of Wyoming like I finally convinced P Motion to do with Hopper the Bastard Rabbit (yeah!).

    • kellimwheeler says:

      Hellcat made turtle ownership look so easy! I can’t believe you convinced P Motion to let Hopper go be be a real bunny!

      We’re ready to leave the cage door open one night, then Stinky Pete can go be as stinky as he wants without anyone getting mad if he likes to cover himself in his own urine.

    • kellimwheeler says:

      Homer is pretty cute, but I don’t think the cute factor is going to win out for much longer. Thanks for stopping by OGMWIG!

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