A Halloween Illustration of the Two Types of People in This World

Momservation: If you’re taking life messages from Halloween costume stores, we’re all just slutty M&M’s on the inside.

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Halloween is on a Friday this year. I have teenagers. One of them is a girl.

Weather report: A perfect storm of parenting anxiety is brewing ready to make landfall in three days.

The winds of change have been howling at my doorstep for a while now, depositing a 15 year-old son who spends more time with his shirt off than on and a 13 year-old daughter who has become keenly aware of the power of Spandex.

The calm, predictable, so-adorable-it-hurts days of zipping your precious little child into a head to toe pink poodle, fuzzy yellow duck, or tubby little bumble bee costume are long gone.

The kids want to pick their own costumes now and I’m no longer controlling the message that Halloween costume stores seem to have hijacked.

In its place: Sexy poodle, sexy duck, sexy bumble bee. Or as the kids call it: slutty poodle, slutty duck, and slutty bumble bee.

Or as my daughter pointed out on Snap Chat as we looked around the Spirit Halloween store trying to find a tutu and a crown that didn’t come with fishnet stockings and a garter, it’s come down to this:

The two types of people in this world:

m&m costumes

“Mom, you’re the first one,” she said.

Though it sounded like a swipe at my hotness factor, I didn’t take it as such. I’d like to think I can still rock the second M&M outfit…but I do own, and have been twice, the first M&M. So she was simply stating a fact.

As I’m battening down the hatches trying to keep my kids safe, executing smart decisions, and from doing anything that will haunt them on socials media forever on this Halloween Friday let’s make sure the wine fridge is stocked and ready to raise our glasses in toast Friday night:

May you have done a good enough job raising your kids that they are the doctor, lawyer, or corporate CEO. Not the slutty doctor, slutty lawyer, or slutty corporate CEO.

And let’s quickly review what is a parent approved Halloween costume…




Not okay:

slutty black cat


fireman costume

Not okay:

sexy fireman costume


minion costume

Not okay:

sexy minion


Elsa costume

Not Okay:

sexy elsa



Not Okay:

sexy Where's Waldo


Princess Jasmine

REALLY Not Okay:

Bad Aladin



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