2012 Predictions – Nostradamus Got Nothin’ on Me

Momservation: It’s amazing how quickly one can adapt and actually enjoy living in organized chaos.

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I don’t do resolutions.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t need New Year’s and broken resolutions to make me feel any worse about myself. I do a pretty good job of it on a daily basis as evidenced by a never ending To Do List that mocks my continually interrupted productivity. Some days I put things on the list that I’ve already done just so I’ll have something to cross off.

I feel more comfortable with predictions. Specifically, predictions that will inevitably come true. If you’re going to epically fail, somehow it feels better to be able to say you saw it coming. So without further ado, my 2012 Predictions:

  • One day my car is going to veer off course from 24-Hour Fitness and pull into the Krispy Kreme drive-thru line when the “Hot” light is on and I will eat a dozen doughnuts in one sitting.
  • This is the year I quit threatening to make my family do their own laundry and make good on my promise.
  • I will finally make something for dinner that actually makes one of my kids barf at the table instead of just gagging.
  • In February I will eat an entire box of See’s Candies and hide the evidence when that time of the month falls too close to Valentine’s Day.
  • I will say something behind someone’s back only to horrifically find I am literally standing behind their back.
  • I will sneak into the 10 item or less line in the grocery store with 17 items. If confronted I will deny it saying individual Yoplait yogurts should count as one item.
  • In April the Easter bunny will fail to appear because someone overslept after staying up all night to watch a Modern Family television marathon.
  • An employee at Target will be the victim of an unfair verbal attack when someone makes the mistake of trying on a bikini from the Juniors section thinking they’d actually look good in it.
  • I will decide it is time for my son to become a man and make him go cold turkey by refusing to buy ketchup.
  • I will find stock-piled ketchup packets under my son’s mattress.
  • In June someone will pretend they stubbed their toe really hard and that they’re not actually crying about school being out.
  • It will be another summer of Death by Recreation and they will love it damnit.
  • Hubby will faint when he realizes the feminine products I had him buy at the grocery store are for his 11 year-old daughter.
  • There will be a rare occurrence in fall where we wake up one morning without some sort of soccer related activity and will become paralyzed with the overwhelming possibilities of what to do with ourselves.
  • I announce that I’m taking a solo trip to Bali and that everyone is on their own for Thanksgiving (oh wait, that’s not a prediction, that’s a fantasy).

    Wow, just looking at this picture makes me...

  • I will sneak off to the movies to see a Zac Ephron movie comfortable with my obsession now that he’s of legal age.
  • Come Christmas I will over-spend, over-decorate, over-schedule, and be overwhelmed, using the Lord’s name in vain as I yell at everyone not to forget the reason for the season.

Happy New Year. I hope it’s predictably, wonderfully, organized chaos – a place I personally inhabit well.


    • kellimwheeler says:

      He’s already having a hard time with one hormonal female in the house – I think I may have that prediction wrong. It might just be Hubby getting the frequent flyer card from Krispy Kreme…

      Thanks, Chase. Happy New Year to you too. I look forward to more NickMom.com videos (but you should probably lay off borrowing anymore of your wife’s clothes…) 😉

  1. Ginny Dowd says:

    Kelly: You had me laughing out loud on this one. Thanks for putting a bright spot in my busy day and for keeping things in perspective. See you in Bali!

  2. Jason Priluck says:

    Very funny posting! However, to help your first “premonition” come to reality, there is actually a phone app that Krispy Kreme provides that will notify you when the red light is on at the closest store to your present location.

    My wife put it on my phone and I swore I would take if off…but I haven’t yet.


    • kellimwheeler says:

      Oh Lord, there really is an app for everything! You’re wife sounds pretty funny – that would be classic to get a notification every time the HOT light comes on! I better not do it though because I’d probably start having a Pavlovian reaction to it. That would be pretty embarrassing to start drooling at inopportune times – I don’t need to give the checkout boy at the grocery store anymore reason to think I’m a stalker.

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