The Lazy Mom’s Guide to Last Minute Halloween Costumes

Momservation: The night before Halloween with no costume is the step-mother of invention.

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These days are long gone

I miss the days of walking through Costco in July, seeing an adorable zip-em-in-keep-em-warm-aren’t-they-cute? costume for $15 and Boom! Halloween’s done. On the way to the check-out line grab a gazillion-pound bag of assorted chocolate candy bars that you will have just enough left for the five people who will come Trick-or-Treating and Bam! Done.

Not so simple anymore.

Kids grow up and learn to say, “I want to be Batman!” or “I want to Princess Jasmine!” Soon, you’re spending a small fortune (money, BTW, that could’ve been better spent on Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups) on a few flimsy scraps of highly flammable rayon that barely constitutes a superhero or princess costume (defining props not included).

This doesn’t include the time and money spent when the kids inevitably change their mind and want to be something else.

By the time they’re a preteen you have spent so much money at the Spirit Halloween store trying to make their Halloween wishes and candy dreams come true that you’re kicking yourself for not buying a small island in the Caribbean instead.

I’ve gotten sick of hearing myself complain every year, “When I was a kid, we used to make our own Halloween costumes! Nobody was buying me ____________ (insert latest fad here, i.e. Morph Suits) you’ll only wear once for $50! It doesn’t cost a thing to be a ghost or a hobo!”

But every year I break down and give in to buying a costume because I don’t want to be bothered with making one. We’ll end up running around crazy, paying top dollar for waiting to the last minute, trying to pull that perfect costume together. I will drown my frustrations in my ten-ton bag of Hershey’s Miniatures minus the oh-so-easy, adorable, zip-em-in-keep-em-warm-aren’t-they-cute? costume for $15.

But this year is my last year. If my teenagers still want to go Trick-or-Treating next year I have a list of homemade costumes ready for them that I’ll be willing to help with. For those new moms out there—save yourselves from my fate and start now with this list. Just don’t forget to invite me to your private island in the Caribbean.

The Lazy Mom’s Guide to Last Minute Halloween Costumes

Raisin Black garbage bag
Pickle Green garbage bag
Marshmallow White garbage bag
Bag of Garbage Any color garbage bag, assorted garbage
Hobo Stick, bandana, yesterday’s clothes
Present Box, wrapping paper, bow
Couch Potato Snuggie, TV remote
Giant’s fan Giant’s hat, fake black beard
Dodger’s fan Prison Record
Simon Cowell White t-shirt, too tight jeans, bad haircut
Lindsay Lohan Ankle Monitor

Halloween? Done.

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