Momservation: If it’s not carried in a mother’s purse or her car it doesn’t exist.
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Welcome to the latest installment of “What’s in Your Center Console?”! If you enjoyed playing “What’s in Mom’s Purse?” you’re going to be glad you stopped by for this one!
Before we dive into the center console of my 2003 Ford Expedition it should be noted that when we first test drove our car I exclaimed, “I don’t know about this center console. It’s huge! It takes up too much room. What would anyone need all this space for?”
For the past eight years Hubby’s running joke whenever I open the bursting at the seams junk drawer that is our center console is to ask me, “What would anyone need all that space for?”
So without further delay let’s see what could possibly fill an airplane hangar sized center console of a mother’s car:
- Napkins. Subway napkins, McDonald’s napkins, 7-Eleven napkins, plain brown napkins, white napkins, even some with stains. If someone has a Hiroshima sized blow-out of any kind we are ready to sop that baby up.
- Dramamine. So hopefully you don’t need the napkins after getting car sick watching a double-feature on the DVD player.
- Plastic bags. In case the Dramamine doesn’t work.
- Straws. We have never needed these for a drink, but it did come in handy in a great MacGyver moment when a DVD got stuck in the DVD player.
- Half a sleeve of 6 month old crumbled Ritz crackers. Cause you never know when you’ll be trapped in a snow storm and will be glad you didn’t throw those away.
- Jerky chew in a can. From when Hubby tried to quit chewing. I’ve used it when I’m out of dog treats.
- Lemonheads. So old they’ve stuck together in one big candy clump. Could come in useful for a good backseat Truth or Dare session.
- Lip Balm. It’s in a tin can that says, “The key word is ‘allegedly’”. Never used it, but the saying cracks me up every time I come across it.
- Cup of crap. This used to hold pencils, pennies and gum. Now it’s where old candy goes to die. There’s Now & Laters, Certs, two flavors of disintegrated Extra gum, a couple of Halls lozenges. The Lemonheads really need to be moved to this cup.
- Crumbled Saltine cracker packets. You just never know when you’re going to get stuck in that blizzard.
- Ketchup packets. We’ll need something to wash down the crumbled crackers.
- Receipts. Aren’t you supposed to keep these for seven years?
- Golf ball. No one in our family golfs. Your guess is as good as mine. Probably confiscated from one of the kids with a “Give me that thing!” when they wouldn’t stop fighting over it.
- Jingle Bell. Thinking another Give Me That Thing acquisition.
- Melted birthday candle. I got nothin’…
- Disposable camera. No idea what pictures could be on there, and by how long it’s been in there, obviously don’t care.
- Battery. A size which I have never seen before. No idea what it could power. Maybe the DVD remote that’s somewhere lost in the car.
- Hair tie. If you have girls, these things are all over the place a multiply quicker than rabbits.
- Matches. Part of my unofficial blizzard disaster kit or for the next time Daddy hot boxes us with farts after stopping at Taco Bell.
- Restaurant punch cards. If I collected all these single punched cards I bet I gotta free pizza or sandwich in here.
- Joe’s Crab Shack wet wipes. Back-up in case we run out of napkins.
- Phone charger. It might be for one of those ones that were the size of a bread loaf.
- Headphones. Great game to distract the kids from Are We There Yet? Whoever untangles them and finds the one that works gets to actually listen to the movie!
- American River Parkway parking passes. Now I find them. $65 ticket later thinking two park rangers for 26 miles of parkway would never find me.
- Sunscreen. To be applied in case I feel like fighting with resisting kids.
- Ziplock bag of dog food. We got something for everyone in this car.
- Mini New Testament and Gospel of John Book. From when I couldn’t get out of my driveway quick enough before the Christian door-to-doorers hit my house.
- Scratched CD’s/DVD’s. Guess which show we like to watch based on this musical selelction:
- Clay Aiken
- Lee DeWyze
- Blake Lewis
- Kelly Clarkson
- Rueben Studdard
- Scotty McCreery
In case you’ve decided we’re not very cool, we do also have the last eight years of Grammy Nominees CD’s, Kings of Leon, Nickleback, Kid Rock, Beastie Boys, Justin Timberlake, and Kids Fun sing-along. Okay, maybe I’m not making my case very well anymore…
- Empty CD cases. Explains the scratched CD’s.
I still haven’t gotten to the bottom of the center console, but I’m bored with this game now. I’m putting it all back in because I don’t feel like playing Clean Out the Center Console.