Momservation: A mother should always ask herself first: Do I really want to know the answer to this question?
Two years ago I wrote a blog called Green Poo What to Do. It was a disgusting but crowd pleasing tale of our whole family crowded around a toilet ogling and contemplating a freakishly green turd that I swear we could’ve charged admission to see. If we had a camera rolling on the conversation I’m thinking we would be a YouTube sensation right now bigger than PSY’s Gangnam Style.
Anyway, we never did figure out what could cause a poo to be that color green without being exposed to radiation or swallowing a glow stick.
Yes, it happened again – and this time the depositor was me (I’ll own it so we don’t have to use the Gumby psuedonymn again trying to protect ourselves from one of the children suing us for defamation of character).
This time the source was reliable and could remember more than just one epic moment in class when someone farted and blamed it on the teacher.
I wrote a log of everything I ingested in the previous 24 hours. First I came up with nothing – no smoking gun of neon green that after a process of digestion would cause a normally sane person to rise up off a toilet and yell, “Hey guys come here! You gotta see this!”
But then like an episode of CSI, I analyzed and hypothesized and eventually through supreme intelligence (just go with this) narrowed down the culprit, clearly in disguise, masquerading as an oh-so-cute-sweet-and-innocent confection.
The answer to the disgusting question of what would turn a turd into a glowing green specimen of awe?
Yes, a cupcake that has black frosting requires an obscene amount of green food coloring in it to make it that color – and thus also your poo.
So think twice before indulging in a black frosting topped cupcake as we go into the Halloween season. Or go for it if you’re looking for an interesting conversation piece. Especially if you’re going to hang out at the old folks home where color and consistency of poo is a daily conversation starter. And oh, man, if you brought them black frosted cupcakes, boy would that place be buzzing the next day…