The Almost Perfect Halloween Crime

Momservation: To deny a kid candy is to ask a fish to try breathing through its nose.

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A Halloween story from 1979:

Little Kelli Silveira was 8 years old. She had a big brother, Ronnie, who was 10. She had a little sister, Sommar, who was 3. She had a daddy who forbid sugar in the house. She had a mommy who snuck sugar in the house.

When other little kids had Sugar Smacks cereal from Lucky’s grocery store, Kelli and her siblings had puffed wheat and honey from the health food store in the hippy part of town.

“It’s exactly the same just healthier,” Daddy said.

When other little kids had chocolate bunnies and Peeps in their Easter basket, the Silveira kids had carob and Tiger Milk bars in theirs.

“It’s exactly the same just healthier,” Daddy said.

But Kelli knew it was not. And she harbored a growing sweet tooth that was only satisfied at Auntie Sandie’s house who served sugar cereals, Coca Cola, and chocolate milk shakes to her nieces and nephew when her brother wasn’t looking.

One October Kelli’s mom bought a bag of orange and black wrapped peanut butter taffy for Trick or Treaters (because that’s what Mommy liked). She put the festive looking candy in a crystal jar high up on the fireplace mantel with these instructions for her children:

“This is our Halloween candy for Trick or Treaters. No one is to eat it. It’s just a decoration until Halloween.”

Kelli loved Halloween. It was the one night she, Ronnie and Sommar were allowed to eat candy. But one night only. The next day the Halloween candy went away. They ate A LOT of candy on Halloween.

Is this the face of a candy thief? Sommar, age 3

Is this the face of a candy thief? Sommar, age 3

As it got closer to Halloween Kelli noticed the jar with the black and orange wrapped candy wasn’t as full. When she asked Ronnie if he noticed it too he thought she was going to tell on him so he shared a secret.

“I’ve seen Mommy sneaking the candy. So I snuck some too. You should try it,” he said trying to recruit a partner in crime so he wouldn’t be ratted out. “She doesn’t notice because she sneaks a lot of candy.”

Kelli didn’t like to get in trouble. But she really liked candy. And the festive Halloween candy high up on the mantel was just too tempting. Kelli decided that maybe she’d have just one before Halloween.

The next morning Kelli got up extra early. She had her alibi ready: She got up to watch Super Friends, the first cartoon show on Saturday morning cartoons. After clicking on the black and white TV and turning the dial to CBS, Kelli climbed up on the brick fireplace hearth, stood up on her tip toes, and ever so quietly removed the lid from the crystal candy jar. She grabbed an orange piece of candy hoping the noise of the cartoons muffled the clink of top going back on the glass jar. She dashed behind the couch and wrapped herself in the sliding door curtains to further conceal her crime.

In her super-secret hiding place Kelli devoured the candy. She smiled as the taste of Halloween came rushing back. She planned to only eat one, but she knew she had to have more.

Kelli sneaked two more pieces before she heard the squeak of a bedroom door opening. Without time to hide the wrapper evidence she left it in the corner behind the couch and curtain. She made a plan to retrieve and throw away the wrappers later when no one was around.

But Kelli was 8 and she forgot. Soon her mother discovered the crumpled orange and black wrappers when she was vacuuming.

“Wasn’t me,” Ronnie deftly deflected, no sign of a guilty conscience over his own Halloween candy theft.

“It wasn’t me,” Kelli tried lying. But she wasn’t as good at it so she tried to cover her tracks further with the ol’ trusty blame it on the little sister. “I bet it was Sommar.” Being the baby, Sommar’s transgressions were always excused so Kelli had a handy fall-guy and little guilt throwing her baby sister under the bus.

Mommy let them both walk away before calling her daughter back. “There’s something I need to ask you, Kelli.”

She skipped back flying high with exhilaration that she had just gotten away with the perfect candy crime.

Mommy pointed at the candy high up on the fireplace mantle. “How do you think Sommar was able to reach that candy all the way up there?”

Busted. Kelli’s life of crime was over before it even got started.

But even though she got 8-10 hours in her room for the caper, Mommy knew things had to change in the Silveira household so the kids wouldn’t turn to the streets in desperation for the next sugar high.

That Halloween Kelli, Ronnie and Sommar got to keep their Halloween candy. And Kelli never had to choke down another carob or Tiger Milk bar at Easter again.

#HappyEndings

2 comments

  1. Dad says:

    In my defense, what’s now been clinically proven and doctor validated as the worst thing a human mouth can devour? Is it trans fat? No. Is it pesticide laden veggies? No. Is it overly processed packaged fast food? No. IS IT SUGAR! Yes. I was ahead of my time and quite the medical visionary. I rest my case. Besides, you didn’t turn out too badly. – Dad

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