Ten Things You Don’t Say to Your Wife if You Want to Get Some

Momservation: The sooner everyone realizes – if mom is happy, everyone’s happy – this place will run a lot smoother.

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Oh, you are so not getting any tonight.

If this thought bubble could be read over a wife’s head, husbands would save themselves a lot of wasted time and effort they should’ve devoted to rolling over and going to sleep.

Better yet, they should back up one more step, never uttering the words that makes this thought bubble pop up – BTW, visible to any woman or gay man in the room overhearing the infraction.

I’m feeling generous today so I’m going to help the husbands out by providing an easy cheat sheet that will keep these inadvertent verbal grenades from being lobbed. Wives – it’s up to you if you want to pass this on to them, or if you count on these regular oh no he din-int’s for a little break from the full court press.

Ten Things You Don’t Say to Your Wife if You Want to Get Some

  1. “What exactly did you do all day?”
  2. “Geez, this place looks like a homeless encampment.” (this gem supplied by my friend Michelle)
  3. “What does someone have to do to get some clean underwear and socks around here?”
  4. “Is that really what we’re having for dinner?”
  5. “Isn’t it time to get your hair colored? – You’re looking kinda grey.”
  6. “You’re not actually going to wear that are you?”
  7. “It’s your turn, I did it last time.”
  8. “When you’re done helping the kids with their homework can you take care of this…” (note – it does not matter what this is)
  9. “Never mind. I’ll just do it myself.”
  10. “Welcome to my world.”

This is actually a short list, but we’ll start with that. And if you Hubbies don’t think this applies to you, here’s the thought bubble that will be over your wife’s head: Welcome to my world where you ain’t gettin’ any tonight.

2 comments

    • kellimwheeler says:

      Hey, it’s just like 50 Shades of Grey – people need to know what the hard and soft limits are if we all want to have a good time…

      I agree on the socks – why else would flip flops be invented?

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