Ten Reasons my 10 Year-Old Could Host a Better Oscars than Seth MacFarlane

Momservation: Children are works in progress. Even Seth MacFarlane.

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Image courtesy of USWeekly

Image courtesy of USWeekly

I hate the TV show Family Guy. I hated the movie Ted. I hated Oscar host Seth MacFarlane.

Apparently, this makes me old and not edgy.

I, personally, think it means I have taste.

The early buzz about MacFarlane’s performance aimed at the younger demographic is that the Oscars knew what they were getting with his raunchy, bigoted, tasteless humor and they got it. There are plenty of critics crying MacFarlane is misogynic (I had to look this word up—it means hates women. I thought that’s what Republican meant. OOOOOH, did I just go there? Yes, I did. See, I can be edgy).

Of course, the 15-25 male demographic loved it (if I’m making generalizations—which I am). But of all the social media buzz, I think @IamPrince_Leo’s Tweet best summed up MacFarlane’s performance: Seth MacFarlane makes so many coins he don’t. Give. A. F*ck.

Here’s my review: Why is it television feels the need to pander to this country’s lowest common denominator when trying to get everyone’s attention? Are there really not enough witty, intelligent, and classy people to make up a ratings juggernaut in this country?

Well, hopefully I can be the change I wish to see in the world with two upstanding prospects—the children I’m raising.

I’m going to be so bold as to say my 11 year-old daughter, right now, would do a better job of hosting a funny, respectable, entertaining Oscars than Seth MacFarlane. After all, here was her assessment of the telecast while MacFarlane and Kristen Chenowith sang the “Here’s to the Losers” song at the end:

“He’s in no position to be calling someone a loser.”

HA! Now THAT’S funny! She’s been pulling one-liners like that for years. So here’s why I’ve come up with:

Ten Reasons my Ten Year-Old Could Host a Better Oscars than Seth MacFarlane

  1. She doesn’t have boobs yet, doesn’t care about boobs, and can’t fathom why people (men) make a big deal about them.
  2. The singing and dancing she does for her school talent show is about entertaining people, not insulting them.
  3. She thinks Chris Brown and Rihanna are good singers not mean-spirited punch lines.
  4. She likes her teddy bears soft and cuddly not raunchy and anti-Semitic.
  5. She’s smart enough to know that assassination jokes are never funny.
  6. She still believes she is as beautiful, smart, and talented as she thought she was at five years old and would never think to make another girl feel anything less.
  7. She believes people with accents are cool and admirable for being able to speak more than one language.
  8. She is, like most children, color blind despite idiots who try to influence her otherwise.
  9. She doesn’t objectify nine year-old girls who are talented enough to be honored among adults.
  10. She knows the definition of a loser isn’t someone who is honored as representing the best in their field, but rather someone who would belittle other’s accomplishments.


    • kellimwheeler says:

      Even the younger demographic I was watching it with preferred Billy Crystal last year. We’re in the youngish demo Chase.

      Any seat next to Colin Firth will do.

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