Momservation: Many a human sexuality course have been lectured from the driver’s seat of a car with a captive audience in the back seat.
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First I’d like to thank Kid Rock, Justin Timberlake, and Katy Perry. Without them and their provocative lyrics I would’ve never been able to simply drive to the store for bananas without getting an opportunity to educate my children about human sexuality.
Who needs the tedium of formulating a shopping list when we could talk about trying different things, smoking funny things and making love to a favorite song?
Or about the importance of bringing sexy back and why a girl might kiss a girl and like it.
So thank you for not letting me shirk my duty and putting these important discussions off until the kids actually don’t believe in Santa or the Tooth Fairy anymore.
I’d also like to thank Nickelodeon, the Disney Channel and definitely TLC – I mean they are The Learning Channel after all.
And, boy, are my kids learning.
Learning that boys and girls should be preoccupied with the opposite sex, getting someone to like you and/or kiss should take priority over all else, and that having six kids at one time or 19 kids and counting is a great way to get on TV.
But most importantly, I’d like to thank my Ford Expedition. How else could I tackle the uncomfortable subjects of puberty, sex, and drugs without your seatbelts that restrain, doors that lock, steering wheel to grip, front and back seats for a buffer, rearview mirror for just the right visual contact, and for providing an opportunity to clarify all the crap modern society puts out there in the time it takes to go get gas and a car wash.
Wow, I hope I’m not forgetting to thank someone…
Funny side note:
The other day when I was alone in the car with my 9 yr. old daughter, Whitney, I asked her, “So, is there anything you want to ask me, or maybe questions you have about things you and your friends might be talking about or don’t understand?”
Watching her in the rearview mirror as she carefully pondered the question, I gripped the steering wheel, reluctant but ready to provide her with whatever answers she may need for her expanding world.
Finally she spoke. “Yeah, Mom. I do. How many presidents have there been?”
That’s my baby girl.