Poo as a Moral Barometer


Momservation: Until you’re a mom you will never know the depth of your poo tolerance.

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Today’s column is further proof of my friend Mindy’s theory that all conversations lead to sex or poo (to paraphrase).

So I’m walking the dog today and she decides to poo right where another dog has pooed. Sh**. Literally and figuratively.

I’m a responsible dog owner, so I’m ready to pick up my dog’s poo. But now the moral dilemma becomes: do I be a friendly neighbor and pick up some other dog’s poo too?

I really don’t want to. I’m pretty grossed out by the prospect. I find it ironic that I have no problem picking up a hot steaming poo, but I’m queasy at the thought of picking up some random cold poo.

For these faces my poo tolerance has been high

So while my dog is finishing up her business, I’m cussing the people who think the neighborhood is their dog’s toilet. I bet if I led my dog to their yard and let her poo there every day without picking it up they’d suddenly realize “oh yeah, that is kinda rude and disgusting.”

No, they wouldn’t. People who let their dogs sh** wherever, without picking it up, are not treat-others-how-you-like-to-be-treated type people. They’re the poor tippers, cut in front of you in line, refuse to let someone into their lane narcissists. They believe they are somehow more entitled than everyone else when actually they’re a few rungs short of decent people.

Okay, so even though I’ve decided to be a good neighbor and pick up both poos, I’m being very judgmental about it. It takes me the rest of our walk to let it go under my Walk Two Moons in Their Moccasins value I try to uphold. I shouldn’t judge because I don’t know what their circumstances are. Maybe that was the dog’s second poo and they ran out of poop bags. Maybe their poop bag had a hole in it and this is the one time they forgoed picking it up. Maybe they were having a sh**ty day and they just couldn’t handle once more piece of sh**.

Then another thing occurs to me since I’m thinking about poo. Before kids, I thought changing diapers was disgusting. When I was pregnant for the first time I thought my biggest challenge was going to be dealing with poopy diapers…

Okay, now that we’ve all stopped laughing and dried our hysterical tears we can agree that poop becomes a non-issue when you become a mom. It still stinks. It’s still gross. You still wonder what they ate that made it that color. But you take care of business and you move on without throwing up your baby’s creamed carrots you finished off, the only thing you’ve eaten in your sleep-deprived, no shower or brushed teeth existence. It’s what you do for those you love. Even if it’s poo.

It’s also why changing another’s baby’s diaper or picking up another dog’s poo in an act of compassion is just a little bit harder. It’s a damn good thing they’re cute.

But there is a statute of limitations on poo tolerance. Once all your kids get beyond the diaper years, poo becomes gross again. I gag over every Hershey squirted underwear in the laundry and unflushed toilets. And picking up other dog’s poo trying to be a good neighbor.

I think it’s time to talk about sex now…


  1. Karla says:

    I worked at a daycare for almost 4 years and when the girls and I would go out to blow off some steam we would, for some odd reason, talk about the horrible dirty diapers we changed! But as you said, once you pass that stage in your life poo becomes almost unbearable! My 6 year old has what we have deemed “man poop.” I have no clue as to how it happens, but it smells and looks like a grown-up’s poo.. Ridiculous!

    But I loved this post because it’s so true!! 🙂

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