Momservations for a New Year

With the first month of 2009 coming to a close (and a few more gray hairs to hide), here’s some Momservations for each day of January:

 

  • It is a beautiful sight to behold watching your children head back into the halls of education – after Christmas break.
  • It is a good day if your butt hits a chair before bedtime – car seats and toilet seats excluded.
  • A grocery list lives on in perpetuity.
  • Siblings: Live to fight, Fight to live.
  • People would rather complain than give a compliment. Teach your children differently.
  • Comedians are born at the dinner table.
  • Nothing says love more than a homemade birthday card that uses all your tape and loses your scissors.
  • You’ll have to come up with something better than boogers, vomit and diarrhea to gross out a mom.
  • If mom ain’t happy, no one’s happy. It’s just a fact.
  • Nothing puts the breaks on a productive day like a phone call from the school nurse.
  • You can teach the lesson by letting them clean up the spill, or you can save a bigger mess and clean it up yourself.
  • Don’t cry over spilled milk – yell and demand it be cleaned up before it soaks into the rug.
  • There is a special place in heaven for mothers who still love their teenage children.
  • A panic attack will pass, but gray hairs are forever.
  • If an uneaten lunch gets thrown away at school and Mom doesn’t see it, does it still count as consumed?
  • The Freedom of Information Act holds no authority over a pre-teen girl avoiding the consequences of being caught in a lie.
  • A seasoned mom can detect the sound from behind a closed door of pee splattering all over a freshly cleaned toilet because a young man is being careless with his aim.
  • What is dessert if not a bargaining tool?
  • The person who invented mobile DVD players deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.
  • Anyone who wants proof that life isn’t fair should check the pay stub for the job of motherhood.
  • The smell of a baby, a freshly bathed child (who really did wash their hair) and brownies are scents of heaven.
  • A boy and his XBox are soon parted when a note from a teacher comes home.
  • A girl and her Hannah Montana/Jonas Brothers/Radio Disney CD’s are soon parted after a phone call from a former BFF’s mother.
  • Definition of a miracle: Getting everyone in one household to agree on which TV program to watch.
  • Adding a second bathroom is worth the money and will add years to your life (and possibly save a marriage).
  • Thank you Lord for:

         doors that shuts (and lock)

         a 7-hour school day

         baby wipes

         bedtime

         wine

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