Miley Cyrus’ VMA Acceptance Speech

Momservation: The harder someone tries to prove they’re grown up, the more infantile they look.

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It is the performance heard around the social media world. It lit up Twitter, setting a new record for tweets per minute. It has caused a social media storm that has the Parents Television Council urging us to grab our children and run for cover from the filth and debauchery the MTV Video Music Awards continues to rain upon us. And the Urban Dictionary is likely to crash due to adults over 30 rushing to look up “twerking.”

Miley Cyrus you have arrived.

Your parents must be so proud.

Your fiancé has to be thrilled that he scooped you up when he did.

Your friends must be giddy by association.

Your publicist so grateful for all that you’ve done…

…to ruin everything you’ve done to be taken seriously as an artist and be accepted as a quality human being.

You, Miley, are the new poster child for Maybe That Wasn’t Such a Good Idea (otherwise known as Seemed Like a Great Idea at the Time).

You, my inappropriate little lady, are single-handedly responsible for parents realizing they need to bring back spanking.

Yes, you, you nasty wanna-be of who-knows-what, have even managed to smother the out-of-control love-fest for Robin Thicke and his delightfully contagious “Blurred Lines”, turning it into something icky and casting him as an ill-advised sycophant.

Well done.

You know, if public disdain and distancing from your publicity hungry peers plus venomous backlash from your fan-base is what you’re going for.

And if your daddy, Billy Ray, had an Achy Breaky heart before, well now…now it must be absolutely bursting seeing his daughter grow-up (I use the term loosely) and show the world who she’s become.

But enough of my parental congratulations on your setting a perfect example of how not to raise a kid.

Let’s cut to your acceptance speech for the VMA Award for Total Loss of Self-Respect!

Miley:

First, I’d like to thank my fans. Without your adoration of Hannah Montana and the vaulted status you gave me as a beloved Disney star, I could not have come crashing down so far, so spectacularly, into this embarrassing, pathetic mess.

I’d like to thank MTV and the VMA’s for giving me the forum to so publicly and utterly humiliate myself. Thank you so much for your pride in year-after-year trying to one-up yourself in pushing the envelope in tasteful programming and giving me such a grand stage to ruin my reputation for your benefit. I so appreciate no one trying to stop me and even encouraging me to go out and make a fool of myself in the name of entertainment.

I’d like to thank my fiancé, Liam Hemsworth, for the nude bikini and foam finger. Also, for always telling me how sexy I look when I stick my tongue out, twerk, and generally look like a rabid dog in heat. I’m so glad you green-lighted bringing our sex life out in public for the masses.

Thank you also to my friends. Actually, I guess I don’t have any, because if I did they would have stopped me from this new low of self-respect.

Thank you too, to Robin Thicke, for not having the back-bone to veto this ridiculous and perverted debasing of your wildly popular song, Blurred Lines. To sacrifice all the good-will and hard work you’ve put in to finally reach the top of the pop charts and achieve universal popularity because you didn’t have the guts to tell MTV “no” means a lot to me. And I’ve always wanted your wife, Paula, to really hate me.

But most importantly, I’d like to thank my parents: Billy Ray and Tish. I could not have had this total loss of self-respect and imploded on such a grand scale without your passive support of my choices. Thank you for supporting my dreams of becoming Hannah Montana, where I earned the adoration of millions of impressionable young girls then proceeded to do everything I possibly could to trash and tarnish the image that made me stinkin’ rich (and a spoiled, brat).

Mom and Dad, I know this is all you’ve dreamed for me and worked so hard to help me become: a public disgrace who thinks proving I’m grown up just reinforces that I haven’t.

Thank you.

8 comments

  1. Elise says:

    Kelly – As usual, your writing style hits right to the point in a fun and pithy way. The one thing about this whole issue that no one seems to be noticing is that we are all assuming that she is embarrassed – because she should be – and that she is remorseful for putting on such a disgusting display – because she should be. I don’t think either of these things are true. None of our children would have considered doing something like this because we never would have allowed it under any circumstances or at any age without clear communication about the consequences of choices, at the very least. She is, I’m sure, wading around in a pool full of self-satisfaction. She has more media attention than ever and there’s no better way for an entertainer to stay relevant than to be controversial. Well played, Miley, even if it was disgusting. I would love – as would most reasonable adults around the world – if she had her a-ha moment and realized how completely she degraded herself. I don’t think she will, though. She made a conscious choice – just as Lady Gaga did (who was delightful and tame by comparison this year) and Britney Spears and Madonna before her.

    In my mind, it doesn’t justify her “artistic” choice. It was still disgusting. It was still disturbing. Made me want to go wash my eyes out with lye soap just to rid myself of the images. However, she has more than accomplished her goal. I just hope when her grandchildren watch family home movies, she can still hold her head up and feel good about her choices. My guess is hindsight and life experience will serve her well.

    Also, she might need medication for that tic she has with her tongue. It has to be a tic. I can think of no other reason you’d stick your tongue out like that so often.

  2. kellimwheeler says:

    I agree, Elise, she may feel self-satisfied, but it’s gotta come with feeling icky too. When you’re 20 you have a higher tolerance for feeling icky. But like a tattoo that this generation thinks will define them forever, it won’t be long before she wakes up with regret. Like all the kids tatting themselves up with permanent markers of temporary feelings, I think sooner rather than later she’s going to realize what a fool she was for thinking this should be her defining moment.

    And I hope Liam dumps her – what a great way to reinforce the message to young girls that what Miley did was NOT sexy nor desirable.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Elise! Maybe we can start a collection to get that tic fixed for poor Miley… 😉

  3. Marianne says:

    Well said Kelli. I’m feeling sad for her – she has missed the mark. Made herself into one big joke – not what she intended I’m sure.
    Hey, do you think that tongue is real? Looks awful big to me 🙂

  4. Amanda says:

    Love It Kelli!

    After spending the evening with 12,000 screaming young ladies & gentleman at the Taylor Swift concert last night (2 of them being my own) Miley’s “cover my eyes, dear God I cannot watch this train wreck” VMA performance became even more ridiculous. This girl is on the path to Crazy Town and she is going to have a heck of a time getting a safe ride back. However, there is a teachable moment here~ I would like to send a “Shout Out” to the Taylors, Selenas, and Carries of the industry. I would like to thank them for teaching my impressionable (no matter how well we parent, they just are) 10 & 14 year old daughters “class over trash”, manners matter, kindness always wins and self-respect before anything else. After all, Taylor and Selena both walked away with a coveted Moon Man while Miley walked away with nothing but some pretty embarrassing video clips and a bad PR nightmare.

    • kellimwheeler says:

      Ah, well said yourself Amanda! I was at Taylor’s concert in Sacramento last night too with my 12 yr. old daughter – and I have to say how impressed I am with that young woman and how pleased I am that our girls look to Taylor as a great inspiration. What a study in contrasts! Articulate, smart, classy – a fantastic performer/singer/songwriter who relies on her talent not shock value to reach her audience. Thank you Taylor for validating to these impressionable girls that if you do what you love (with style and class) success will follow.

      Thanks for your thoughts and continue enjoying the journey with those girls!

  5. Nancy King says:

    Kelli- Love the article. The one thing that is missing in the whole VMA conversation is any sort of criticism of Robin Thicke. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m no fan of Miley after that performance. But at least she can use her youth as an excuse. But Thicke, in his (I’m guessing) 40’s and married has written a disgusting song about, at best hard-core rough sex, or subject to another interpretation, rape. If you have seen the video you truly have been scarred. Why is it the young woman gets all the criticism? He wrote the song and got exactly the performance he was looking for.

    • kellimwheeler says:

      Yeah, the lyrics to Blurred Lines leaves something to be desired and I guess I overlooked it because it seems the radio is filled with inappropriate lyrics these days. There are a few songs I really hate because of what they say and imply (Whistle by FloRida) and you have kids walking around singing them. But I would argue that Robin Thicke didn’t build his fan-base on a bunch of impressionable young girls looking to emulate him and then do a 180 them. He continues to ooze sex appeal as he always has – and exempt the unrated Blurred Lines video, kept it classier than Miley Cyrus.

      Thanks for joining the dialogue Nancy!

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