Michael Phelps Ain’t Got Nothin’ On Me

When we last left our heroine, she was coming down the home stretch of an action packed summer with the kids. She could see the finish line – the first day of school – in her sights. Could she come out the reigning champion of these summer games?


But she was faltering. The kids were fighting, the house was filthy, she hadn’t unpacked from the last trip to the lake and she was flirting with spraying some Fabreeze on it all and calling it good for the next family outing. To top it off, she hadn’t bought a single back-to-school supply.


Yet, she promised herself she would make it. Come Monday, she could crawl back in bed after delivering her kids to school and sleep the day away. On Tuesday she could get a pedicure. On Wednesday she could see a movie. On Thursday she could traipse through the mall. On Friday she could be a lady who lunches. It was the least she could do for herself for a summer well done.


Now, if she could just get through this last event of an overbooked summer, she would accomplish something few stay-at-home moms ever achieved…not a single sigh of boredom for an entire summer vacation.


As the buzzer goes off at 7 a.m. this morning of the first day of school, we now know she made it! Most Smartest Mommy ITW (In the World) made it to the finish and has achieved golden glory of these summer games.


We’d get an inspirational quote from her, but she is indicating not to wake her until Thanksgiving vacation.


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Just call me the Michael Phelps of Summer Vacation 2008.


Today, I will stand atop the podium, victorious in my quest to conquer my grueling recreational schedule, and listen to my SAHM national anthem — the sweet sound of silence and solitude courtesy of the San Juan Unified School District.


I came out the gates strong. My first event, a trip to Disneyland, was a cruise to the finish line.


With little recovery time, a week of British soccer camp was expertly orchestrated.


I hit a snag with a deflated air mattress for weekend guests, but surged ahead to success with a fun weekend of rafting and celebration.


The biggest test of the summer games, a 4th of July/birthday party extravaganza, tired me, but did not beat me.


We had disaster strike – the loss of a teammate, Hammy the Hamster – but we vowed to forge ahead in her memory as she would have wanted us to.


And forge ahead we did with my daughter’s Buzzardball team, the Phoenix Mercury, coming from last seed to win the Buzzardball basketball camp championship.


And despite injury, a sprained ankle by my son in his Buzzardball camp, we still limped through the next week of Sac State soccer camp to score.


Then came the last and most grueling relay event – the four lake medley. Four different lakes. Four long weekends. The furthest 3 ½ hours away. All needing packing and unpacking. And yet, despite exhaustion, the magnitude of the undertaking, and the logistics involved – there was triumph.


Now, as I stand before you, basking in the glow of achieving such an insurmountable and unprecedented feat – over eight weeks of non-stop summer vacation recreational overload – I have just one thing to say.


Do I have no friends? Why did nobody stop me from such a ridiculously overbooked summer? Is there anyone I can blame this on and sue for emotional stress and permanent physical and psychological damages? Seriously.

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