Lights, Camera, Action!

Momservation: Apparently the same rule applies to filming reality television as dealing with a tantrum – just act natural while you ignore all the commotion and don’t be afraid to step aside and take a deep breath to regroup.


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My fifteen minutes of fame has finally arrived! Actually, it’ll only be three minutes, and I won’t even be in all the scenes, so probably really about two, but I will finally be recognized for my amazing…outdated kitchen.


Okay, so it’s not a book deal or film rights to my blog, but a three minute commercial on the DIY and Food Network channels is still quite a coup! And I get a brand new kitchen for all my amazing acting talent! Well, okay, to let them film the chaos that is our family life. No acting involved whatsoever.


Details, details, I know!


It all started when my husband, Trey, fell into this gig of being the occasional “Expert Contractor” for the DIY Channel’s new show “House Crashers.” Same thing as the popular “Yard Crashers” running right now, but this indoor version will begin this fall.


So, now that Trey’s got his pinky toe in the television loop, we find out about a commercial they’ll be filming where they want a real family in need of new appliances and a kitchen update to show them off.


Oooh, ooh, pick me, pick me!


I submitted my most adorable family photo, took perfectly lit pictures of my beat up kitchen, and (this is where I like to think my writing prowess tipped the deal in our favor) did a one page sob story that I knew I could be the every day Kelly Ripa if I just had new appliances to make my life easier.


We were selected from four other families and I have been sitting in the make-up chair and giving my best busy mom shtick for the past week.


And the best part about it all? My kitchen looks FABULOUS and it was all done in ONE WEEK with the commercial client picking up the tab!


That’s right – one week of my house being absolutely turned upside down with crap from my kitchen in nearly every room in my house, dust in every crevice of my home that I’ve decided can stay where I can’t see it, cooking toaster waffles on my living room coffee table, early morning contractors taking the fun out of sleeping in on summer vacation, TV production crew everywhere I turn (including the bathrooms), and producers telling me I’m not filming today then deciding to catch my “surprise” reaction when I’ve just walked in the door stinky and sweaty in my workout gear, no make-up and a Medusa ponytail.


As I write this, the production crew is setting up for the final day of shooting and the “Big Reveal.” My kitchen looks amazing with new stainless steal appliances, granite counter tops, glass tiles, painted cabinets with brushed nickel knobs and they’ve pimped it all out with accessories that look like I have Martha Stewart personally decorating my house.


I’m not due in the make-up chair for another hour and I have clothes picked out for my kids and Trey that are solid color (no black, white or red though) and logo free. My house is filled with camera, light, sound guys, producers, food specialists (to make it look like I really made all the fabulous food in my kitchen), and a gofer and intern asking me what I want for lunch. Everyone’s following me around trying to make me, my family, my house and my life look like fabulous and effortless.


I could get used to this.


Of course it is all an illusion, made for TV, and at the end of the day it’s back to whining, hungry kids and wondering what I’m going to make for dinner with all my dishes still in my bedroom.


I wonder if I could talk them into leaving the food specialist behind.

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