Momservation: It’s okay that he doesn’t need me first, as long as he needs me always.
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I’ll admit, it hurt me at first.
That the ringing of the telephone wasn’t for me.
He went off to college and I was no longer first in line for his exciting news, or daily reports, or bored chitchat. There were phones ringing, but it wasn’t mine. It was his dad’s or it was his sister’s.
Tears would spring to my eyes when I would recognize that Hubby was talking to our son—even angry at my husband that he was hogging the call and not putting it on speakerphone.
A would feel a twist of my heart and feel like the last kid picked for a game of kickball when I would hear my son’s voice laughing from his sister’s FaceTime call.
Granted, I was a bit sensitive those first few months after my oldest left for college. I was still mourning the emptiness he left in my house—that I wasn’t the first person he greeted when he walked in the door from school, I wasn’t the person he called anymore to see what was for dinner after sports practice, and I wasn’t the last person he said good-night to when he went to bed.
And if I was being completely honest with myself, I had been bumped two years ago as the first girl he turned to when his then-girlfriend entered the picture. But I was still Mom and if he needed something, he started with me.
So with all the adaptations I was having to make as Phase I of Empty Nesting—no longer knowing where he was or what he was doing all the time, his absence in my daily routine of being Mom, the bedroom Museum of the Boy Who Used to Live Here—I realized I also needed to adapt to no longer being first in line when my son wanted to talk to someone.
And I have.
Because like I wrote in my last Momservations® blog, Take Two Steps Back for a Better View, life is all about perspective. After refilling my Mom Reservoir with love and connection to my son during Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks, I found my footing on this new path we’re on. I decided I was done staring down at the Grand Canyon gulch of missing my first-born child and chose instead to look up and watch him soar into the great wide world and all its opportunities for him.
With the change in attitude, came the shift in perspective I had been waiting for.
When the phone rang for Hubby, I accepted it as a natural progression rather than a slight. It became heartwarming to witness a father and son solidifying a relationship of two grown men bonding over common interests—as friends. My husband had that amazing relationship with his own father and it was one of the reasons I married him. I could envision, one day, he would be a great father and friend to a son.
I have no problem ceding my place in line to this special relationship.
And now, when I see my daughter’s phone regularly light up with a Face Time call from her brother, it tickles me that she has become one of his best friends. Again, in the hopes and dreams you have for your family, at the top of the list is that one day your children will stop fighting and realize how lucky they are to have a built-in best friend—someone who likely knows them as well as they know themselves.
I love that my daughter is first in line when her brother has something that he can’t wait to tell someone. I gladly step back to let this relationship blossom as well.
I had my time. The time when I was my son’s first in line. I loved every minute of it. But if I insisted in being that same person, it would be to the detriment of our relationship as well as blocking the natural progression of other important connections.
So I wait my turn for the phone call. There’s always something he needs his Mommer for.
I’ll have my time again. No doubt I’ll be first in line once more when he embarks on a family of his own. Mom is always at the top of everyone’s speed dial when you need a babysitter.
#MovingDownTheLine #Mother/SonRelationships #Father/SonBond #SiblingFriends