Green Poo What to Do

Momservation: Once you get past the potty training phase tolerance for bodily fluids and waste is inversely proportional to age.


gumby-798463_bmp A wise friend once told me all conversations lead to sex or poo (to paraphrase).

So let’s just cut to the chase a talk about poo.

Specifically green poo.

We had this unusual “deposit” last night by one of my children (that will heretofore be known as Gumby to save me from being sued for defamation of character when my kids one day realize I write about this sh**. Literally.).

I swear I could’ve charged admission to see it.

Of course, it only caused a minor scene compared to the great Fecal Matter Incident of 2008 when we had to shut down a 4th of July pool party while I typed into Google: Poop in Pool What to Do

Yet, still, it had everyone crammed in the bathroom standing around a toilet, peering down at what could only be described as a bright green bagel dog specimen, scratching their heads and pondering thoughts aloud like:

“Do you think it’s peas? Gumby had a lot of peas yesterday.”

“Good God, how many peas did Gumby eat?”

“I thought peas didn’t break down. Wouldn’t there be little green balls and not one big green clump?”

“No that’s corn. When you eat corn it’s like a magic trick. It’s gone – now it’s back!

“It looks like green Playdo.”

“Do you think Gumby ate Playdo?”

“No! He/she’s not two for heaven’s sake!”


“No, salad would look more like roughage. That’s a solid turd.”

“Gumby had a Gatorade. There’s a lot of dye in that.”

“No, he/she had grape flavor. It’d be a purple poo.”

“Should we be concerned about this?”

“I don’t know. Have you had green poo before?”

“I’ve had red poo with black spots. Too much watermelon.”

“Mom, can we just flush it and go now?”

“I don’t know – should I get a sample and take it to the doctor?”

“Nah, he/she’ll be fine. Let’s see what color they poop tomorrow.”

The anticipation is right up there with the new fall TV line-up that starts this week. Not nearly as exciting as Family Ear Wax Night* though.

*This blog will soon be available under ARCHIVES


  1. mc6pack says:

    Nice. The excrements of the human body continually amaze.

    My wife and I often call one another in to vouch for size, as in, “How in the hell could that have come from The 3-Year Old Girl?” I swear to God she’s dropped over half her body weight in one sitting. I’ll be honest: I’ve teared up a few times with fatherly pride.

    Love your blog, Kelli. It’s not the typical motherly/parental fluff. That’s good.

    Take care,


    • kellimwheeler says:

      Hey thanks Chase! Love your blog too with the father perspective at !

      We have marveled ourselves at things left unflushed that made us think a bear had been our house.Thus yesterday’s Momservation:

      Does any other species stand over their offspring’s poop trying to figure out what they ate because of a tummy ache?

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