Momservation: Christmas is the time of year when it’s okay for parents to flat out lie in the name of tradition.
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If Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram are any indication, parents everywhere are hedging their better-be-good-cause-Santa’s-watching bets with this Elf on the Shelf craze.
Because if you haven’t already made your kid paranoid and neurotic that the big red guy may leave them toyless because he saw them pick their nose and eat it—a creepy elf that moves around each night reporting back that they peed in the bathtub while co-bathing with their sister—that should really do it.
Needless to say, we’re not doing the Elf on the Shelf around here because I think I’ve messed my kids up enough already. Knowing that anything you do is fair game for a family blog or column has a tendency to make a kid watch their back (i.e: Family Ear Wax Night or Green Poo What to Do).
What we do have around here, though, is not a sentry of children, but a lurking bane for procrastinating working mothers. Like the Elf on the Shelf, it doesn’t matter that it’s cute and whimsical—its intent to materialize unexpectedly to keep you in line is just plain creepy. And my be-good reminder doesn’t just show up around Christmas. Oh no. My little “friend” is year-round.
It’s the Dust Bunny on the Shelf.
Yeah, it’s a hamster wearing bunny ears, but don’t let the cuteness fool you. This guy is evil. He pops up all over the place, making me feel bad about myself, for all the things I need to get to, but just haven’t done yet.
Here’re some examples:
Getting rid of the clutter on the bedroom dresser.
Organize the closets.
Clean out all the old crap from the snack drawer.
Get on top of the laundry.
Clean out and organize under the beds.
Clean up and weed out the game shelves.
And the nearest and dearest chore to the Dust Bunny on the Shelf’s heart that I’ve put off too long:
If this guy also reports to Santa…I’m so getting coal in my stocking.