Back to School, Time to Kill a Forest

Momservation: Can I just give a pound of flesh instead of a pound of paperwork for my kid’s school schedule?

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Back to school paperworkIf Back to School shopping is the waterboarding of getting your kids ready for school, then filling out all the paperwork and writing the checks that go with it is bamboo under the fingernails.

Now I know why families have been shrinking in the 21st century. It’s the Back to School paperwork!

I have two kids at two different schools and the amount of paper that needs to be read, filled out, signed, or have a check attached to it could wallpaper my house! Could you imagine back in the day when families were big enough to field your own baseball team? Enough Emergency Cards, PTA Membership forms, Band Boosters, Dress Code Policy, Absence Procedures, and TDAP shot notifications to wallpaper Fenway Park!

Actually, no—because back then the only requirement to start school was having a pair of shoes and being able to walk your butt there and back.

I mean, really, for my son to be able to play a sport in high school I have to turn in a 12-page packet tonight that includes three different Conduct Code forms the essentially say:

DON’T BE A MORONIC IDIOT OR YOU’LL BE KICKED OFF THE TEAM

Why is this not a given? There shouldn’t be paperwork for this. Simply a “Hope your six seconds of fame on Instagram was worth it. Clean out your locker,” will do.

And why, after a collective 19 years of sending my kids to school does the administration not think I’m aware of the attendance policy? That I need to sign something that says I understand that if I don’t call an absence in it’s not excused?

Have I not called in over the years enough stomach flus, cold viruses, pink eyes, ear infections, projectile vomiting, high fevers, explosive diarrhea, doctor and dentist appointments to not understand how this system works?

And one more thing:

Do I look like the administrator of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation? Everyone’s got a hand out for my money. The PTA, PTSA, the Boosters, the student body, the arts, the sciences, the academics, the athletics, the photographers, the committees, the administration…

As if Target doesn’t have enough of my Back to School dollars for schools supplies, clothes, shoes, and food for lunches!

Christmas ain’t got nothin’ on my checking account like Back to School. Because Christmas just leaves my bank account empty. Back to School leaves it empty without the warm fuzzy feeling of bringing happiness to the children. Trust me, my children are not happy that they own a packet of #2 pencils, a protractor, and that I support the Science Olympiad so they better dang well participate.

Thank you for this moment to vent. Now excuse me while I go get my kids’ medical record # tattooed on my arm because writing it down for the 5,000th time doesn’t seem to be making me remember it any better.

#BackToSchoolTorture

#RatherGetAMammogram

 

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