Momservations author, Kelli Wheeler

Where do I start?

Do I start with my first crush? (Edward in kindergarten who wanted to grow up to be Captain Marvel – that he pronounced “Captain Marble”) Unusual talent? (On road trips I can predict to the minute how long it will take to get there. Including diversions.) Supernatural experiences? (I once saw my hot pink pumps move all by themselves. Alcohol and drugs were not involved.)

Do I go personal or professional? Personally, I can’t stand it when people use the word “literally” wrong. Or in every other sentence. It literally makes me want to pull that person’s tongue out of their mouth. So if you’re not confident in your linguistic skills, I wouldn’t stand close to me. Because I use literally—literally.

Professionally? Like sounds good on a resume, hit the highlight reel? Here goes:

I’m an award-winning family columnist earning one of my titles from the National Society of Newspaper Columnists. I’m also the author of the humorous gift book MOMSERVATIONS: THE FINE PRINT OF PARENTING, and accomplished freelance writer. My most well-known freelance client is former California First Lady Maria Shriver. I’ve been featured in Success Magazine, on two morning television shows, and make the rounds speaking to groups on parenting. I’ve written a parenting column for fourteen years that within the first four months got me “discovered” by Maria Shriver. My trademarked Momservations® blog (one of my smartest professional decisions) readership has grown at least 150% every year since I started it in 2010. My monthly Momservations® column was published by Inside Publications from 2004 until discontinued October of 2018. I am currently teaching a memoir writing class to seniors (average age 72), which is my most rewarding writing assignment to date.

What drives me? What am I passionate about? (Besides holiday decorating, coming up with exact change, and brownie batter.)

First, and foremost, it’s my family. The amazing one I created with a man who loves me despite my inability to be brief—plus all the extended people who have no choice but to claim me as their own. My children, Logan, 14, Whitney, 13, and Darby, 4 (the fuzzy one with the tail) make it easy to feel blessed that I was chosen to be their mother.

My friends. The people who have chosen to love me even though they are not obligated to by blood. The people I can afford to be stupid with. The people I don’t have to clean my house for. The people who make me feel like God must really like me to put these great friendships in my path.

My writing. It is my gift. I asked God for big boobs and to be able to sing, but Dolly Parton was in line first. My first word was a complete sentence; when I learned to read I felt like I had joined the most fabulous club in the world; I wrote poetry and prize winning speeches while my peers were still mastering their times tables; when my six year-old sister died when I was twelve and our family was drowning in grief—my gift became a life raft. I believe in sharing your gifts.

Faith and perspective. Any entity that can give us Yosemite Valley, Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream, Brad Pitt, and Aurora Borealis for our enjoyment is worthy of my worship.  I learned at an early age that tomorrow is not promised. Thank God today for anything you wouldn’t want to wake up without tomorrow. Appreciate the lows for making the highs worth the climb. Without pain joy has no context. We aren’t getting out of this life alive so why not hang on and enjoy the journey.

Fun facts about me:

  • I love a good inspirational quote. I have them inscribed all over my house. A favorite: Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
  • In high school I was voted Best Tight End. I did not play football.
  • My first job after graduating college was working for a professional football team. My last salaried position was as a 5th grade teacher.
  • From age fourteen to twenty-four I had fifteen jobs.
  • I think sweeping the floor with fuzzy socks falls in the Practical rather than Disgusting category.
  • IMG_1555Without a doubt the family dog thinks I am the only reason worth living for. It feels fabulous.
  • It shocks people when I tell them I’m a volunteer track coach at my children’s middle school even though my kids are not on the team.
  • I took up sprint distance triathlons when I was 33.
  • I have been a long-suffering San Diego Chargers fan for no logical reason.
  • I met my husband, Trey, when I was 19 and we’ve been married for nearly 18 years. We think it’s pretty cool that we still really like each other.
  • I’m still best friends with the best friend I made in third grade.

Or get to know me through this selection of Momservations® blogs:

From the Ashes of Tragedy: Perspective
If I Find Out You Did It You Quit It
Eight Rules for Dating my Teenage Son
Let’s Go Fishing for Compliments
Now That’s How You Do 40
What Kind of Girl Scout Cookie Are You?
Don’t Make Me Talk Nocturnal Emissions

Six Second Nation
Throwing Sand in the Online Sandbox
Really Time Magazine?
I Can Get my Kid to do Anything For…
Miley Cyrus Acceptance Speech
Santa Please Bring Mommy an Assault Rifle

Mom’s Top 10 Rules for Kids
Signs You Might Be a Helicopter Parent
10 Things You Don’t Say to Your Wife
The Parent’s Guide to So Not Cool
Tricking Your Kids Into Chores – Easter Style

Your Guide to Summer Fun Wednesdays
Your Guide to Apple Hill
Station a Day Holiday
Summer Fun With the Kids Pinterest Project Day
Fun Fall Festivities with the Kiddies
Pinterest Christmas with the Kids

Floaties in an Ocean of Grief
Be the High Tide
Green Poo What to Do
Sneezing Out Your Belly Button
Winning the Genetic Lottery
250 Pound Raccoon
What’s in Your Center Console?

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