A Retraction and Reaction to Rubber Band Bracelets

Momservations: If you make them use their own money to buy the latest fad, are you still an enabler?

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Before I give my two cents on the current Rainbow Loom and rubber band bracelet craze, I first must make a formal retraction for my mother who has put me in Time Out for my last blog, Who Wants to Ride Shot Gun?

First and foremost, Mom would like it noted, for the record, that she was not alerted nor did she know anything about needing to vote for me for Forbes list of 100 Best Websites for Women. Had she known about said request for votes in a timely manner, she would have voted her little guts out.

Secondly, she felt the F-Bomb in my last blog was totally uncalled for and she doesn’t give a rat’s a** that I just was trying to make a point. I got a “Now listen here Little Missy” phone call advising me to leave the crass and crude talk to other bloggers because it is not becoming to me and she doesn’t give a fig about “creative license.”

Better, Mom? Can I talk about Rainbow Looms and rubber band bracelets now?

Great…Here’s the deal with the latest trend that is hotter than Melissa McCarthy going through menopause:

It is out of control like Lamar OdomRainbow Loom

Second thought:

Why didn’t I think of this?!

I’d be a bizillionaire! Cheap overhead of tiny little colorful rubber bands?! Kids making, buying, bartering, wearing, coveting and generally going crazy for simple, cheap rubber band bracelets after I gave a small fortune to Power Balance and Nike conglomerates for magnetic bracelets and Elite socks?!

Kids everywhere are holding their breath until their parents break down and drive them to Michael’s craft store to pick up Rainbow Looms that are flying off the shelves faster than a One Direction tchotchke!

Refill rubber bands—normally an overlooked staple in the hair supply aisle of a Dollar Store—cannot be found anywhere, including homogenous Beverly Hills were you would be hard pressed to find a little girl sporting a head full of colorfully tied off braids.

My daughter, who finally got her hands on a Rainbow Loom, can’t fill orders for bracelets fast enough. Her biggest client? Her brother!

It’s like I have a little sweatshop in my living room. In her every free moment my daughter is hunched over her loom, obsessed with making various designs of these popular rubber bracelets.

And here’s the kicker—kids these days don’t read instructions. The Rainbow Loom comes with clear, picture filled instructions.

Nope, useless.

My daughter went right to YouTube to watch tutorials from pint-sized Chief Operating Officers who clearly know how to spot a hot trend and jump on it like Harry Styles coming out of a restroom stall.

Rainbow Loom Instructions (2)Not this.



Man, I wish I had thought of this first! Whoever jumped on this Rainbow Loom is a f***-ing genius and must be wealthier than sh** right now!

Sorry Mom—I mean someone is really super-duper smart and has extreme positive cash flow currently.

I’m getting another phone call aren’t I?

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