A Long Overdue Apology to My Parents

Momservation: I’m sorry. I get it Mom & Dad. Now will you please lift the I Hope You Have One Just Like You curse?

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My son just had his last first day of school last week. The senior portraits came in the mail today. His first senior event, the Senior Picnic, is this weekend. The Reality Bus has run me over while I was dragging my feet to the next stop.

The Baby is now the Bearded Wizard and he’s filling out college applications.

Good thing I was wearing clean underwear when I got mowed down by a speeding senior year.

As I laid flat on my back breathing into a paper bag, I reflected back to my own senior year of high school (only moments ago, right?). I pictured my son doing everything that I had done that last crazy, wonderful, over in a blink-of-an-eye, surreal leap toward adulthood.

And I realized I needed to write my parents a long over-due apology letter. I get it now, Mom and Dad, and I am so so sorry. It only took 28 years for me to realize what a self-absorbed, insensitive, clueless sh** I had been during that time when I was so eagerly getting ready to take flight from home.

Now I desperately hope my own son won’t be that way to me; That he’ll recognize my fragile state and go easy on me at the thought of my baby growing up and out crushes my lungs, cinches my throat, and causes permanent stinging in my eyes.

So here goes Mom and Dad. I hope this apology letter will convince you to release me from the I Hope You Grow Up And Have A Child Just Like You curse.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that when I was a senior in high school I didn’t understand how saying things like, “I can’t wait to get the hell out of this place!” was a stinging slap to the face and heart of parent who had tried their best to provide a supportive, loving, home for 18 years.

I’m sorry that I applied for schools as far away as possible just to show you I was ready to be independent.

I’m sorry I thought going anywhere other than my hometown had to be so much greener than our grass.

I’m sorry that I never once considered how hard it would be for you to see me leave, possibly forever, after 18 years of working hard and putting your life aside for the sake of my security and happiness.

I’m sorry I never imagined how quiet and lonely and devoid of my cherished presence our house was when I tried to spend every waking minute being with my friends instead.

I’m sorry for all the times I forgot to call you to tell you I arrived safely or changed my plans or thought it wasn’t that big of a deal that I forgot.

I’m sorry I used you as a personal ATM machine without even offering a clean room as the simplest return payment.

I’m sorry that I thought I was so much wiser, more knowledgeable, and thought I knew better than you did what was best for my future.

I’m sorry for the risks I took thinking I was invincible and immune to danger and repercussions of poor decisions

I’m sorry I didn’t know all the sleepless nights you stayed awake shouldering the burden of my defiance and irresponsibility.

I’m sorry I fought you on boundaries that I couldn’t see I needed to keep me from making a mistake that would change the course of my life forever.

I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate the room you did give me to find my own way and discover my own path.

I’m sorry I never noticed the toll it took on you to watch me hurt and suffer over life’s heartaches and injustices that help us grow as people.

I’m sorry I didn’t hug you more and tell you how much I loved you at a time when you could have really used it.

I’m sorry when I left I didn’t think to look back.

I’m sorry I only called you when I needed money.

I’m sorry it took me so long to appreciate you and thank you for giving me a reason to want to come back home.

Thank you for everything even though I was such a sh**.

Love,

Your enlightened and eternally grateful daughter,

Kelli

#NoPlaceLikeHome

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